I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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