I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
