What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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