So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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