i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
