Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
They should really pass out barf bags in church
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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