Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
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I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.