I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book