dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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