The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.