I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment