Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

it's too hot outside to masturbate.

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(310): it's too hot outside to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/dql5

Replies (19) Good night (752) Bad night (1709)
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(443): View more from Maryland

just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad

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(443): just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad http://tfl.nu/g8m9

Replies (3) Good night (810) Bad night (2822)
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(256): View more from Alabama

There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.

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(256): There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it. http://tfl.nu/68k2

Replies (17) Good night (922) Bad night (3298)
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(619): View more from California

I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.

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(619): I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there. http://tfl.nu/ar9u

Replies (9) Good night (1040) Bad night (3017)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..

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(201): its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin.. http://tfl.nu/g7eu

Replies (30) Good night (1029) Bad night (8654)
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(801): View more from Utah

let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.

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(801): let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room. http://tfl.nu/h78r

Replies (13) Good night (952) Bad night (5798)
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(904): View more from Florida

I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that

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(904): I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that http://tfl.nu/s246

Replies (4) Good night (2993) Bad night (840)
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(410): View more from Maryland

i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed

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(410): i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed http://tfl.nu/6788

Replies (2) Good night (3141) Bad night (845)
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(816): View more from Missouri

He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

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(816): He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man http://tfl.nu/qpf8

Replies (18) Good night (4223) Bad night (1078)
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(208): View more from Idaho

the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.

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(208): the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player. http://tfl.nu/khif

Replies (7) Good night (867) Bad night (2007)
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(206): View more from Washington

I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2

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(206): I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2 http://tfl.nu/1blx

Replies (9) Good night (1389) Bad night (657)
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(607): View more from New York

So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?

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(607): So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear? http://tfl.nu/a30u

Replies (4) Good night (1704) Bad night (516)
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(310): View more from California

Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?

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(310): Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end? http://tfl.nu/mjc4

Replies (3) Good night (1904) Bad night (658)
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(772): View more from Florida

The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person

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(772): The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person http://tfl.nu/qxco

Replies (1) Good night (1059) Bad night (606)
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(360): View more from Washington

You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...

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(360): You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again... http://tfl.nu/ebe2

Replies (3) Good night (690) Bad night (452)

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