he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.