I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
