I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
