C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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