Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
