Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
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He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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