Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
