I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
