K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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