dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
my poor anus
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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