Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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