If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
