hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
