i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
