You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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