I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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