We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
