He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
