They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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