Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
