Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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