Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
