Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
