Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
