I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
