Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
