If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
