nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
