Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS