Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.