I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
