so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He better not be in your backpack
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.