yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet