I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted