Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.

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  (604): Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life. http://tfl.nu/tq60
  Replies (15) Good night (1053) Bad night (3777)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.

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  (954): I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu. http://tfl.nu/e5ot
  Replies (9) Good night (3836) Bad night (780)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.

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  (401): she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride. http://tfl.nu/b4k2
  Replies (79) Good night (2124) Bad night (11046)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.

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  (513): I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake. http://tfl.nu/fip9
  Replies (8) Good night (4239) Bad night (1024)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?

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  (214): You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right? http://tfl.nu/pmdc
  Replies (7) Good night (1088) Bad night (2512)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.

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  (317): Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom. http://tfl.nu/x6uc
  Replies (17) Good night (3650) Bad night (1410)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now

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  (816): I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now http://tfl.nu/qqu5
  Replies (16) Good night (2319) Bad night (800)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,

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  (425): No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America, http://tfl.nu/18wd
  Replies (10) Good night (4003) Bad night (1193)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

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  (901): Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic. http://tfl.nu/8z3j
  Replies (7) Good night (2437) Bad night (598)
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  (310): View more from California

  True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?

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  (310): True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant? http://tfl.nu/aiag
  Replies (6) Good night (1065) Bad night (1651)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

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  (229): He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb. http://tfl.nu/1qwr
  Replies (5) Good night (2013) Bad night (634)
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  (408): View more from California

  so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing

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  (408): so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing http://tfl.nu/s8yq
  Replies (15) Good night (2368) Bad night (476)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.

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  (250): Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher. http://tfl.nu/t3xh
  Replies (9) Good night (918) Bad night (721)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.

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  (864): Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on. http://tfl.nu/ak2b
  Replies (3) Good night (967) Bad night (593)
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  (818): View more from California

  xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls

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  (818): xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls http://tfl.nu/ri3j
  Replies (1) Good night (382) Bad night (202)

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