There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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