Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
