Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.

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  (561): Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like. http://tfl.nu/svkw
  Replies (42) Good night (2865) Bad night (988)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free

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  (303): This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free http://tfl.nu/nn6t
  Replies (8) Good night (3093) Bad night (743)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.

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  (724): You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake. http://tfl.nu/kf3k
  Replies (22) Good night (5639) Bad night (825)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (26346) Bad night (1824)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.

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  (954): Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers. http://tfl.nu/re05
  Replies (3) Good night (3762) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.

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  (931): He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance. http://tfl.nu/zsaz
  Replies (2) Good night (2121) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.

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  (314): the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier. http://tfl.nu/vyfv
  Replies (6) Good night (4317) Bad night (1286)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.

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  (248): I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half. http://tfl.nu/u2dc
  Replies (10) Good night (1064) Bad night (2870)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation

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  (541): I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation http://tfl.nu/pywb
  Replies (7) Good night (2171) Bad night (914)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.

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  (918): It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin. http://tfl.nu/s6ok
  Replies (26) Good night (3413) Bad night (870)
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  (714): View more from California

  She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?

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  (714): She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what? http://tfl.nu/cv8q
  Replies (53) Good night (1307) Bad night (5317)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?

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  (617): How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity? http://tfl.nu/1m4t
  Replies (7) Good night (2038) Bad night (716)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?

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  (617): How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism? http://tfl.nu/bpr0
  Replies (10) Good night (991) Bad night (509)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff

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  (843): So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff http://tfl.nu/ddxb
  Replies (6) Good night (1107) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I immediately regret the tequila decision.

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  (248): I immediately regret the tequila decision. http://tfl.nu/ptpj
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (441)

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