He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
