I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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