there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
