yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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