i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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