I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
