Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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