when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
