Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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