can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
