People with herpes should wear stickers.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Randomize
