If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
