even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
