He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
