batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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