I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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