i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
