I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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