I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
