im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
