quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
