Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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