let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
