My brain says no but my pants say off.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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