Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
