I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
