Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
