That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
