ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
