yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
