I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
