so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize