hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
