Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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