my sisters under your porch take her home
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
