MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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