I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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