he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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