So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
