This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
