Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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