i don't like sucking hair
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
